Let me ask you something. If today was my birthday, and you found out it was my birthday, would you wish me a Happy Birthday? Good. Now, would you mean it? Would you really want me to have a Happy Birthday today? "Today, Steve, I hope you have a nice day and you won't have any trouble." Would you actually mean it? Most people say, "yes" when I ask that question. Now, do you want anything back? No, not usually. We say Happy Birthday to somebody that we've known for only an hour, and we can mean it.
Most adults, in particular, can mean it, if you like the person. You can say it to somebody you've known for only an hour, and you mean it. You say it to your friends and you mean it. Do you ever want something back? For most people the answer is, no, they don't want anything back. The wish, your wish for me, is sincere; it's a sincere wish and you don't want anything back. For a lot of people who do different types of Compassion/Lovingkindness meditations, they want a feeling; they want something back. They're not content to just give a wish, a nice wish, a sincere wish. They want something back. When we teach this, we're not wanting anything back; we're just doing a sincere wish. If your wish is sincere, you don't need a feeling. The feeling doesn't have to be there as long as it's a sincere wish and you actually mean it.
Now, sometimes, when you walk along the street and look at somebody who has one leg, and as they walk, they kind of hobble down the street with their canes, your heart opens a little more for them because you can see from the outside that they have a physical problem, that you're glad you don't have.
When you see somebody else walk down the street and they have both legs and all their body is fine, you don't have any extra thoughts in your mind; they're just another average person. When we do the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation itself, sometimes we will get a deeper feeling reflecting on some people, often we won't. But the feeling doesn't count. That's not what we're doing the meditation for.
Otherwise, if we're looking for a feeling all the time, we're actually doing desire meditation. So the sincerity of the wish, that's what we're looking for. As long as you know the wish is sincere, then you're doing it right. If a feeling comes, if a feeling doesn't come, that doesn't matter.
Now, you can test your sincerity. There's a method of how to test it. Do a wish for many of your family and friends, people you like. Do at least about ten of them. Think of them a little bit, give them a nice wish, let them go. Think of another friend, give them a nice wish, let them go. Do about at least ten. Think to yourself, "May so and so, so and so, so and so find peace of mind. May so and so, so and so find peace of mind," and you're going to find that it flows very easily. You can remember the wording of the wish and you wish the person very easily.
Now after about ten people like this, think of someone you don't like. You want to know what happens to your phrase in your mind? It goes something like this: "May so and so, (harrumph), may so and so (harrumph), may so and so find peace of mind! (spoken with an angry voice)" It's real. It's distinct. You're going to stutter. You're going to stop. You're going to not want to say it because you're really not sincere yet with the people you don't like. But that's okay. That's what we're going to practice on and eventually, hopefully, the wish will come out the same way for everyone. The sincerity of the wish is what we looking for.