Compassion/Lovingkindness | Rosemary & Steve Knowledgebase

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

3

9

Can you talk about wise attachments more? Also how to balance attachments to teachers and people.

Ref: 2001.07.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Rosemary

7

2

Could you talk more in detail about being objective with difficult emotions, while also being open to learning about the true causes of those emotions, so they arise less in the future?

Ref: 2001.07.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

8

4

A Zen master once said, "In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind, there are few." Question: How can we avoid, break open routines in every day life in meditation?

Ref: 2001.07.x.08.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

5

4

Statement (this is Ananda here): One of the aims of our practice is the development of more and more unbroken Mindfulness throughout the day. Question: Is it possible to extend Mindfulness to the times of sleeping and dreaming? If yes, do you have any advice on how to practice Mindfulness in that way?

Ref: 2001.07.x.05.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

3

Can you explain more about dealing with difficult mental states which persist after attempting objective observation, observing the body?

Ref: 2001.07.x.03.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Rosemary

6

Can you talk about the Truthfulness Parami?

Ref: 2001.07.x.06.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

5

Should we be reflecting during the day, like when we're washing our laundry, et cetera?

Ref: 2001.07.x.05.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

5

2

How important is it to have a teacher? In the meaning, to have something like a personal teacher. Lots of practitioners say this person, so and so, is my teacher, with a specific name.

Ref: 2001.07.x.05.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Rosemary

2

6

Could you please talk about the balance between Compassion, Morality and Idealism. For example, for long distance travels taking a plane and not a train, although it causes much more pollution. Or buying items produced in other countries because you find them better or like them more.

Ref: 2001.07.x.02.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Rosemary

9

6

Can you talk more about doubt, not doubts about Dhamma or the practice, but doubt as it appears in decision making in life? Sometimes it can be so strong and cause much anxiety, wavering and confusion in the mind. It is hard to make decisions without stress in these cases. How can we de-condition this tendency, particularly if we don't have a Kalyanamitta around?

Ref: 2001.07.x.09.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2001

Steve

3

10

Can you talk more about these important moments when Mara switches the mind to unbeneficial ways, like the judging mind, envy, sloth and torpor. How can one more skillfully and quickly root out these thoughts?

Ref: 2001.07.x.03.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2005

Rosemary

6

4

Can you explain more about Compassion/Lovingkindness in the moment of death?

Ref: 2005.09.x.06.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2005

Rosemary

7

9

What can we do to lessen our judging of others and of ourselves?

Ref: 2005.09.x.07.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2003

Steve

4

1

What kind of Compassion/Lovingkindness wish would you direct towards somebody who is already dead? Would you also recommend doing Compassion/Lovingkindness towards people who have been dead for many years?

Ref: 2003.07.x.04.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2003

Rosemary

6

8

I notice changes in the body, tension in the face, for example, sometimes when I am doing Reflective Meditation. What do you suggest I do at these times? Note it and return to the meditation subject? I notice this especially when I am doing Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation during the Compassion part and the Compassion I am feeling is quite strong.

Ref: 2003.07.x.06.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2003

Rosemary

6

5

Can the wish for health or freedom from danger, war, cruelty, etc. for beings in extreme living conditions be a part of the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation, because they may experience such intense Dukkha which makes it impossible to develop methods or tools by themselves?

Ref: 2003.07.x.06.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2003

Steve

8

5

Seeing my mind often wander into unmeaningful memories of movies I've seen, I can see some of the Dukkha coming from having seen them. Could you please point out some other short memories and as well if we can use these other short memories in some beneficial way when they come up?

Ref: 2003.07.x.08.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

Steve

3

4

I have just done the day 13 evening meditation with Rosemary - "you wake up this morning, but today is difficult”. From even before the first situation was properly described, I felt a lot of aversion come up, knowing that a difficult situation was likely to come. My expectations were confirmed with style (laughing as I write this). I found the meditation difficult, having had to stop it a few times to cry and allow myself to process enough to be able to come to a place of wishing compassion and loving kindness.

Ref: 2020.06.x.03.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany June 2020

Steve

7

13

Could you please talk about the meaning of Compassion / Lovingkindness, Equanimity and Wisdom in regards to dealing with aversions?

Ref: 2020.06.x.07.13

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

14

8

Do you mean the same thing when referring to Compassion and Lovingkindness?

Ref: 2014.09.x.14.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Rosemary

13

I heard the statement that equanimity is the vessel of wisdom that sustains the other three Brahma Viharas, what do you think?

Ref: 2014.09.x.13.13

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

18

2

Please give some hints on skilful "Broong Dtanging"?

Ref: 2014.09.x.18.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

12

11

What are the possible reasons for resistance against feeling Compassion? And how can I handle this resistance if I can't feel?

Ref: 2014.09.x.12.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

12

16

We are taught that every living being has the potential to free its mind, does that mean that an ant has free choice to make good Kamma or not?

Ref: 2014.09.x.12.16

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

12

5

Would you please talk more about systematic ways for Compassion/Lovingkindness.

Ref: 2014.09.x.12.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Rosemary

17

11

When going through life, I mainly remember bad things others did to me or which I did. Is this “wrong view”, and how can I change it?

Ref: 2014.09.x.17.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Rosemary

15

14

Why do we tend to develop a strong sense of possession towards our close or loved ones, what is the thinking behind this, "They are mine, they have to behave as I want them to" attitude, and how do we let go?

Ref: 2014.09.x.15.14

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

14

6

In the past I often tried to fulfill someone else’s expectations, I didn't consider my own needs. Now I feel tired of doing what others want me to do. How can I deal with this aversion?

Ref: 2014.09.x.14.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Steve

18

3

I have a melody stuck in my head meanwhile more than five days. Which technique would you recommend for that, Compassion or Equanimity?

Ref: 2014.09.x.18.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2014

Rosemary

13

15

If you were crashing on airplane and you think you are going to die, what reflection would you recommend?

Ref: 2014.09.x.13.15

Audio answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2004

Steve

3

4

Can you please give me a proper technique to work with conceit?

Ref: 2004.04.x.03.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Steve

5

2

If I notice that I am off-balance in a certain area, is it better to deal with it straight away, or make a note of it for my next formal meditation. For example, at the beginning of the working meditation I do a Compassion/Lovingkindness wish for the beings during my sweeping. However, I notice I am still a bit indifferent towards the ants on the ground. Knowing that I will try anyway to not be cruel towards them, should I do some Compassion/Lovingkindness towards them right there, or plan to do a longer session for all animals later?

Ref: 2007.01.x.05.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Rosemary

7

1

Could you please talk about the importance of the development of Lovingkindness, the difficulties we may have with it and the possible dangers?

Ref: 2007.01.x.07.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Rosemary

2

5

How to deal with mosquitoes so they don't bite; and with dogs, so they don't bite or bark aggressively, or jump on you?

Ref: 2007.01.x.02.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Steve

8

15

What is the best meditation practice if we have bad dreams?

Ref: 2007.01.x.08.15

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Rosemary

7

2

Can you please talk about the importance of having Compassion for ourselves in situations where someone is doing something incorrect, but only mildly? Often I try to have Compassion and Lovingkindness for the other person, but really my aversion is the real problem. How to detect it sooner, and work with it?

Ref: 2007.01.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Steve

3

1

Could you please talk about the importance of the "letting go of thoughts" practice, and the balance between letting go of thoughts and developing wise thoughts?

Ref: 2007.01.x.03.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2007

Steve

4

7

Lately I've gotten in the habit of considering how dependant on my sense contacts I am for happiness. Sometimes the thought arises that thought, too, is a sense contact, and if we didn't experience and appreciate pleasure, life would be a pretty dismal existence. Please elaborate on how to reflect skillfully on this topic.'

Ref: 2007.01.x.04.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2010

Rosemary

7

Is it helpful to include my father and mother in a reflection in the following way: "May I be thankful for the good qualities and the conditioning my father and my mother gave me and my I be able to cope with and to overcome the difficulties and problems in my life"?

Ref: 2010.09.x.07.07

Audio answer

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2010

Steve

8

5

Equanimity seems very important. It is in the Seven Factors of Enlightment, the Ten Paramis, and the Four Brahma Viharas. Whereas Compassion/Lovingkindness is only in the Ten Paramis and in the four Brahama Viharas. Is it right to conclude that Equanimity is more important than Compassion/Lovingkindness?

Ref: 2010.09.x.08.05

Audio answer

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2010

Steve

5

4

What are with dreams according to Buddhism?

Ref: 2010.09.x.05.04

Audio answer

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2021

Rosemary

18

8

What would morality on a deeper level mean for us in daily life?

Ref: 2021.07.x.18.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2021

Steve

13

10

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the various methods and techniques. What to do then, which one to choose?

Ref: 2021.07.x.13.10

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2021

Steve

11

2

How important is determination? How do we strengthen it? When is there too much determination?

Ref: 2021.07.x.11.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2021

Steve

17

8

I guess it is useful to accept the hindrances instead of fighting them? If you think so, what way can that be done when practicing?

Ref: 2021.07.x.17.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2021

Steve

14

9

What kinds of meditations styles did you both try before finding a practice based in Compassion/Lovingkindness?

Ref: 2021.07.x.14.09

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

16

11

Could you please give an example for a wish regarding yesterday’s meditation back through our life’s, mine always gets too long.

Ref: 2017.07.x.16.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

18

9

Please could you give some advice as how best to balance between the D/D Method, move the attention away from the I and Compassion/Lovingkindness for oneself, which is to focus the attention on the I. The above seen in the light of lessening the Dukkha depends on the eight worldly dhammas.

Ref: 2017.07.x.18.09

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

12

1

Aversion coming up in a discussion with a difficult person, how can you handle the aversion in this moment, when it is not possible to sit on a pillow and meditating?

Ref: 2017.07.x.12.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

14

9

I struggle with the Special Mindfulness Activity compassion/lovingkindness before walking. Opening up to the possibility or likeliness that I will harm beings makes me not want to do the walking. I realized this would not be a satisfying solution as I would be doing something else and most likely less mindful and therefore harm maybe even more beings, so, can I do the following, and there are four choices here: Ask forgiveness from the beings I may harm, in the sense while doing the compassion/lovingkindness reflection. Another choice is express the wish, that my walking will bring more positive results then will cause harm. And another choice is dedicating the merit of the walking to be shared, especially with these beings.

Ref: 2017.07.x.14.09

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

16

17

In the evening shortly before sleeping and also in the night, especially here in the retreat I am having wild dreams or strong fears. Does Mara prefer coming at that time? What’s best to do? Thank you!

Ref: 2017.07.x.16.17

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Rosemary

13

3

What are good technics to have more equanimity towards my own live and my own human potential?

Ref: 2017.07.x.13.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Rosemary

15

5

What is jealousy? Aversion, wanting fame, under confidence? What antidote?

Ref: 2017.07.x.15.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Rosemary

13

4

Is there any special meditation in Theravadin Buddhism for people who are dying or dead?

Ref: 2017.07.x.13.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

12

2

I do reflections on death and impermanence daily, it helps me to feel how fortunate I am to be alive, but it does not lessen my fear of death/dying, what can I do?

Ref: 2017.07.x.12.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

12

10

Watching the daily news on TV, in which ways can I use them as beneficial meditation objects instead of feeling disappointed and frustration about the actual political developments?

Ref: 2017.07.x.12.10

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

12

6

There are such beautiful English and Pali Metta chants, what do you think about evening metta chanting?

Ref: 2017.07.x.12.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Rosemary

17

2

I am not sure what to focus on when dying, the Buddha or the Compassion/Loving kind wish?

Ref: 2017.07.x.17.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2017

Steve

12

18

Occasionally during the walking before dinner or in the early morning I notice aversion arising without really knowing where it comes from. I wonder whether the reason could be hunger, respectively the aversion coming from the unfulfilled desire to eat. Referring to what you said the other morning, could I hinder the aversion from coming up, by being aware of and noting the unpleasant feelings in my stomach earlier?

Ref: 2017.07.x.12.18

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Steve

16

12

If I heard Rosemary right, she said third stage of enlightenment for non-returners, so what's happening if a person dies in the third stage? They are not fully enlightened and aren't returning?

Ref: 2015.07.x.16.12

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Steve

14

6

How to deal with boredom during meditation?

Ref: 2015.07.x.14.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Rosemary

15

5

Could you please explain Lovingkindness? In the Compassion/Lovingkind wish it says, "May so and so overcome difficulties and find peace of mind". Isn't there automatically peace of mind when there are no difficulties?

Ref: 2015.07.x.15.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Rosemary

15

12

Which tools are to use when one is racked with guilt or is ashamed shame?

Ref: 2015.07.x.15.12

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Steve

16

2

Could you please talk about how to do the Compassion/Lovingkindness going through life in a shorter version? It might be helpful in during non-retreat conditions.

Ref: 2015.07.x.16.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Rosemary

15

3

When doing Compassion/Lovingkindness for people in extreme situations, like the refugees on the boats, I don't know what to do with my emotions, and so I shy away from these topics. What to should I do?

Ref: 2015.07.x.15.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2015

Rosemary

15

8

Can you please give an example of how to increase the Dukkha of conceit in the second part of the D/D Meditation?

Ref: 2015.07.x.15.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Steve

4

The Four Great Efforts were mentioned recently. I think they are: to Prevent, to Let Go, to Develop and to Maintain. Could you talk a little about these, please?Perhaps give examples of how we can put them into our practice?

Ref: 2008.01.x.04.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Rosemary

6

5

Could you please talk about signs from our thoughts that we are off-balance with one of the Four Brahma Viharas? For example, when I have too many thoughts of, "Oh, there is so much Dukkha" and I'm having trouble wishing Lovingkindness, then is it a sign for me that I need more Sympathetic Joy to remember the way out, and maybe also Equanimity to bring more acceptance?

Ref: 2008.01.x.06.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Steve

4

1

Regarding moaning, could you please talk about moaning in Dhamma terms? How to skillfully deal with others who indulge in this as a pastime? And how to avoid joining in while remaining friendly with the person and not appearing uppity or condescending?

Ref: 2008.01.x.04.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Steve

4

7

Can you please explain two Pali words, Metta and Karuna, their meanings and significance, as it seems other Buddhists seem to use Metta to only mean Lovingkindness? I'm confused.

Ref: 2008.01.x.04.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2008

Rosemary

2

5

Could you please remind me how to dedicate the merits of meditation towards a loved one who has died?

Ref: 2008.01.x.02.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2011

Rosemary

6

1

When we do a Lovingkind wish for another person, is it just helping us to become more Lovingkind or can it also help the person we do our wish for?

Ref: 2011.09.x.06.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2011

Steve

3

4

Please, can you give us an example of strong Dukkha you have had in your life? How was the process of working with it and when were you able to let go of it?

Ref: 2011.09.x.03.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2011

Steve

3

6

We spend one quarter to one third of our life asleep, often without control over dreams. In some traditions, there are teachings on techniques to include sleep time into meditation practice. Are there any teachings or methods on this topic in Theravadin Buddhism or any recommendations about how to sleep?

Ref: 2011.09.x.03.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2010

Rosemary

13

4

I do not understand the 1-10-11-1 meditation. Can you explain it more?

Ref: 2010.01.x.13.04

Audio answer

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2003

Steve

5

11

Last night during the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation, the repeated thought came up that I feel quite fortunate regarding my health, or the environment, life circumstances I find myself in. I had doubts if these are the right thoughts, when I consider the extreme Dukkha that some people experience, especially during the Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation. Can you please say something a bit about this?

Ref: 2003.01.x.05.11

Written answer

Compassion/Lovingkindness

Special Retreat Thailand January 2003

Steve

3

12

Is it natural, normal, that the heart sometimes feels wide open and compassionate, while at other times it feels totally closed, even if I do the same contemplation? Or do I have to use other techniques at that time to open up again? Or am I too impatient with myself?

Ref: 2003.01.x.03.12

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2003

Steve

5

7

What kind of reflections can we use at or just before the moment of death? How to overcome the fear that may be present?

Ref: 2003.01.x.05.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Rosemary

6

8

Can you tell me please how can I create Sympathetic Joy in my mind?

Ref: 2009.01.x.06.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Rosemary

6

Of the Ten Paramis, Renunciation is the most easily forgotten for me. Please give advice on developing this quality.

Ref: 2009.01.x.06.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Steve

8

5

Last evening during the Forgiveness guided meditation, I revisited an event that had been a previous focus of another Forgiveness meditation. I was surprised to become aware of depth and complexity of conditioning linked to this event. Would you discuss the importance of the Forgiveness meditation and the potential need to revisit events several times?

Ref: 2009.01.x.08.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Rosemary

6

4

I prefer saying "I allow myself to have peace of mind etc." instead of wishing in the future and not now.

Ref: 2009.01.x.06.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Rosemary

2

1

How can I try to be less of a perfectionist?

Ref: 2009.01.x.02.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2009

Steve

8

3

What is the role of emotions in our practice and how can we use them skillfully for growth?

Ref: 2009.01.x.08.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Rosemary

7

5

How can I work with difficult people who have decided they don't like me? I did compassion and lovingkindness for them and for myself, but the jealousy or unsatisfactoriness is still there. And it is very hard to be detached.

Ref: 2011.07.x.07.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Steve

8

I had sincere compassion arising and I forgave the person and I understood all their difficulties and ignorance and all my difficulties and ignorance in relationship to this conflict, but I still don't respect them. Is it still aversion to work on or it / if became beneficial aversion?

Ref: 2011.07.x.08.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Rosemary

9

3

In my family it is common not to ask any questions, and we are used to talking at each other instead of with each other. As a result we do not have any real conversations with real interest, do you have any advice on how to handle, change or accept this? And as I am conditioned like this as well, how can I work on this for myself to change it in my communication with the others without blaming them?

Ref: 2011.07.x.09.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2011

Steve

5

8

How can we learn to identify better with the Dukkha of others? Especially if it is a kind of Dukkha that we haven’t experienced yet?

Ref: 2011.07.x.05.08

Audio answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

9

3

Can you please talk about tranquility, one of the 7 Factors of Enlightenment? How important is it in our practice?

Ref: 2010.07.x.09.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

7

3

Could you speak more about Morality please, and give examples of how we can improve it?

Ref: 2010.07.x.07.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

9

5

Could you please talk more about how to develop the Four Unselfish Emotions and the role of the Brahma Viharas?

Ref: 2010.07.x.09.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Steve

5

2

I can be very generous to friends and even total strangers with my time, money, and attention. But to two people in my family, whom I ought to be close to, I cannot muster up any generosity at all. Of course there are reasons behind this, but my intent is to get over the "historical wrongs" and consider these two people with as much generosity, and Metta or Compassion/Lovingkindness as I consider with others. How do I do this?

Ref: 2010.07.x.05.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

7

Another person or animal walks by and a superficial, not spoken, judgment arises from time-to-time. I'm not attached to the judgment, so it passes very quickly, though I'd still like to add a reflection to change the view. I think normally you advise Compassion/Lovingkindness for myself, for the being, and for anybody else judging. The question is, "Is there a short form for this?", as the above can be rather long when we are just walking along.

Ref: 2010.07.x.07.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2010

Rosemary

2

5

My mind and senses are cloudy, perhaps from jetlag and a few sleepless nights, from the World Cup, and from fatigue. I'm having difficulty focusing on and retaining the teachings. How do I open and sharpen my focus so that I can "fully-internalize" the talks?

Ref: 2010.07.x.02.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2003

Steve

4

How do we fit all of these meditations into our lives? Which do we use when?

Ref: 2003.04.x.04.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2003

Steve

5

8

How can I react properly and skillfully concerning pain and sickness when I suffer from it in the moment?

Ref: 2003.04.x.05.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2003

Steve

3

1

I have been trying to develop balance in my Compassion/Lovingkindness and Equanimity, and seem to be progressing. But I have noticed an imbalance in "style." My Compassion tends to be passive/reactive, and I am unclear on how to balance it with proactive interest in people's wellbeing. Do you have any suggestions on how I might find that balance?

Ref: 2003.04.x.03.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

11

10

Can you please explain why you list Compassion before Lovingkindness in the Brahma Viharas, mostly they are listed the other way around?

Ref: 2019.07.x.11.10

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

11

12

What can I do when aversion against Dukkha comes up strongly?

Ref: 2019.07.x.11.12

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

18

16

Without Dukkha there would be no need for compassion/lovingkindness and no need for the Dhamma, right?

Ref: 2019.07.x.18.16

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

14

2

Why is jealousy such a powerful emotion?

Ref: 2019.07.x.14.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

16

12

The systematic ways of reflecting about Sympathetic Joy seem to be limited compare to Compassion/Lovingkindness reflections. Do I need to reflect more about Sympathetic Joy? What can I do, when I run out of systematic ways?

Ref: 2019.07.x.16.12

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2019

Steve

16

13

Could you please explain Renunciation in more detail, reasons for, benefits, examples and relevance in lay life?

Ref: 2019.07.x.16.13

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Steve

8

6

Where does your techniques come from? Is there a version or did you bring it up by yourself?

Ref: 2006.09.x.08.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2006

Rosemary

6

8

Could you please speak about Right Speech in relation to developing the Ten Paramis?

Ref: 2006.09.x.06.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2005

Steve

8

11

How shall I handle the frequency of usage of all the techniques I was taught?

Ref: 2005.07.x.08.11

Written answer

Berlin QA September 2008

Steve

8

5

Sometimes I hate all beings. What can I do then?

Ref: 2008.09.x.08.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Steve

8

1

There are four Brahma Viharas but Compassion and Lovingkindness are always taught together, why? It doesn't make sense to me.

Ref: 2009.09.x.08.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Rosemary

7

9

Reflection on Compassion/Lovingkindness wishes makes my practice so much easier and I have experienced a lot of benefit but sometimes I think it is too easy and I have to do some more mindfulness of breathing. What do you recommend as a certain time, my practice is 20 minutes?

Ref: 2009.09.x.07.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Steve

4

2

Can you name the Paramis and explain what they mean.

Ref: 2009.09.x.04.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Steve

4

3

Concerning the Compassion/Lovingkindnesswish, is it true to say "you get what you give" or is this point of view too simple to explain the Law of Cause and Effect behind the Compassion/Lovingkindness quality.

Ref: 2009.09.x.04.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Rosemary

9

8

How to let go of the fear of losing loved ones, the fear that they will die?

Ref: 2009.09.x.09.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2009

Steve

5

3

I have had a lot of pain in my life and often felt others' pain very much. After working with myself and practicing meditation regularly, now I don't feel anything when hearing about terrible situations, don't even remember my own ones from the past. Is this normal? Of course I have compassion for others but I can't feel it like before.

Ref: 2009.09.x.05.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2013

Rosemary

6

Can you talk about the different aspects of Truthfulness please?

Ref: 2013.09.x.06.06

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2013

Steve

3

15

In the scriptures, is there a reflection recommended about the nature of plants, trees or animals?

Ref: 2013.09.x.03.15

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2013

Steve

3

Could you please talk about Resolution?

Ref: 2013.09.x.03.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2013

Steve

8

19

It takes Wise Reflection to let go of anxiety and problems, but what if there is a sticky emotion like anger?

Ref: 2013.09.x.08.19

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2013

Steve

4

9

Having Compassion/Lovingkindness with a person leads to more understanding, but it doesn't automatically mean that I like the person and that all aversion is gone. Could you please explain how to let go of the feelings of dislike or mistrust?

Ref: 2013.09.x.04.09

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Steve

3

6

Concerning doing Compassion/Lovingkindness before walking - the special mindfulness activity - could you please explain how to balance Compassion for the insects which might die when I walk in the need to walk, because sometimes as a response to the Compassion/ Lovingkindness comes the feeling that I shouldn't walk?

Ref: 2004.09.x.03.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Rosemary

6

How can statistics be used in Meditation?

Ref: 2004.09.x.06.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Steve

4

8

What do you mean when you say we have to be aware of when a problem exists, and when it doesn't exist Dukkha doesn't exist?

Ref: 2004.09.x.04.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Steve

5

Can you, please, give an example of a Compassion/Lovingkindness wish to animals?

Ref: 2004.09.x.05.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2004

Steve

4

7

What benefits can died loved ones have from our doing Compassion/ Lovingkindness for them?

Ref: 2004.09.x.04.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

16

3

Loss of self-control comes often quite sudden, a certain remark can spark a sudden outburst of anger, how to prevent this?

Ref: 2018.07.x.16.03

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

15

11

I am struggling with the compassion/lovingkindness wish for the little creatures I might hurt with my walking meditation. Do not get me wrong, it is one of my favorites, so that it is a great reminder that in many ways I live this life at the cost of others, but this is making it about me again. What can I wish for a being that I am about to hurt?

Ref: 2018.07.x.15.11

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

15

4

How do we know that we have practiced in the right way?

Ref: 2018.07.x.15.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

16

1

If Metta and Compassion/Lovingkindness are the same, why do not you call it for example a guided Metta meditation?

Ref: 2018.07.x.16.01

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

16

5

May you please speak more about the Energy Parami? I would not consider myself particularly energetic in the formal meditation, especially when I am falling asleep after time.

Ref: 2018.07.x.16.05

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Steve

17

15

Is it good to reflect at the end of the day about good Kamma done and forgive yourself for possible wrong actions or speech?

Ref: 2018.07.x.17.15

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

16

4

What do you say to someone who tells you that it is good to release your anger on someone else, for example their partner, once in a while? That it all needs to come out.

Ref: 2018.07.x.16.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Steve

13

4

How should we relate to dreams?

Ref: 2018.07.x.13.04

Audio answer

Special Retreat Germany July 2018

Rosemary

15

2

What are the most benefits or attributes to include in the lovingkindness wish? I feel like my list is getting to long and I lose focus.

Ref: 2018.07.x.15.02

Audio answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2005

Rosemary

6

1

It is easier to be compassionate for people far away. A friend of mine moved into a Lebanese community in Bankstown. She did not know this. There was constant fighting and women were kept in their place. Windows got smashed. My friend's car got trashed. Her husband and child never went out after dark and many other unpleasant things. I heard myself say in my head 'I wish those Lebies would pack up and go home'. PS I know a fabulous Lebanese Muslim family down the street from me.

Ref: 2005.04.x.06.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2005

Steve

5

7

Regarding the Compassion/Lovingkindness wish for all the beings that will die during our walking meditation: is this for all beings who will die anywhere in the whole world during this time or is it for beings who will die as a result of our walking?

Ref: 2005.04.x.05.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Australia April 2005

Steve

8

4

Sometime I play the same painful story over and over again in my head. I know intellectually it is a ridiculous thing to do as it causes me great suffering. I go to the breath - I get settled and next thing I know I'm doing it again. There's got to be some way to get out of it but I can't see it.

Ref: 2005.04.x.08.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

2

11

Can you share more ways to expand the people we find Compassion/ Lovingkindness for?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.11

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

2

7

Remembering the application form here, and the questions describing how we feel about our relationship to our parents, I wondered about what particular importance or relevance you take from the answers? Also is there any link in your minds with the work of psychologists, particularly Freud, who based much of an adult's mind make-up on their reactions to early family life, e.g. mother/father complexes, etc.? Did you study psychology as well as the Buddha Dhamma? Do you think a healthy, balanced mind is reliant on having a specific relationship to one's parents/early carers?

Ref: 2007.07.x.02.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

9

2

How do you know which reflection to choose to focus on? There are so many I am getting stuck in choosing? This is especially challenging if nothing is up for me in that moment.

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

8

10

Can you talk about relationships and how they can support and/or hinder the practice? How do we guard against our attachment to our partner becoming unbeneficial? How do Unselfish Emotions help with this?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

9

8

I was having trouble having Compassion/Lovingkindness towards a situation maybe because I had the feeling of wanting someone to change their behavior. I then switched to just noting "It's their Kamma, I can't change it" and the Equanimity helped lessen my attachment. I was then able to have more Compassion/Lovingkindness again. Could you please talk about the role of Equanimity in developing Compassion and Lovingkindness including what are the signs that we need more of it?

Ref: 2007.07.x.09.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

8

15

Connecting Moral Shame, forgiveness and moral disgust, is it necessary to first forgive the act of moral shame in order to build a more pure form of moral disgust? Or are the two not related?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.15

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

4

10

Can you talk about human qualities that deserve to be respected?

Ref: 2007.07.x.04.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Rosemary

7

2

Sometimes when I reflect about Dukkha and do Compassionate/Lovingkindness, I feel a distance and separation. Mara then tries to tell me that's good and protecting me. How can we feel more confident, less afraid to open to Dukkha? How can we understand on a deeper level that the separation, rather than protecting, is actually causing us Dukkha?

Ref: 2007.07.x.07.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

5

7

Can you please talk about Moral Shame and Forgiveness, and how they might be related?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

8

1

Failure seems to be central to our self-doubt/insecurities and negative self-images, and yet it is through failure and making mistakes that we are able to learn and grow. Can you talk more about having a balanced view of our past failures?

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

5

6

Could you please explain how you would do a formal sit on the topic of contentment?

Ref: 2007.07.x.05.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2007

Steve

8

7

Please suggest ways to work with aversion towards the non-verbal attitude of another person? e.g., on the walking track, a person is restless, agitated and unconcentrated. I wish them Compassionate/Lovingkindness, however their behavior continues. I then start to feel restless, too, then aversion, and a whole hindrance attack ensues. I also notice this problem with people who have controlling personalities.

Ref: 2007.07.x.08.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Rosemary

6

1

How do you treat "feeling cold" with the Unpleasant Physical Sensation meditation technique?

Ref: 2007.09.x.06.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Rosemary

9

6

Could you please speak of Truthfulness in relation to the development of the other Paramis?

Ref: 2007.09.x.09.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Steve

8

10

Can we change from one Compassion/Lovingkindness phrase to another from time to time, or is it better to stay with our favorite one?

Ref: 2007.09.x.08.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Rosemary

7

4

How can we get more lightness in our practice, our normal daily life when it feels heavy?

Ref: 2007.09.x.07.04

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Rosemary

9

Please let me know how I can work with situations where I feel embarrassed, or thoughts and emotions about situations from my past where I felt very embarrassed.

Ref: 2007.09.x.09.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2007

Steve

8

9

Why did you give us the Compassion/Lovingkindness phrase in three different forms?

Ref: 2007.09.x.08.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Steve

4

2

I have a mentor at work, he is about 60 years old. He taught me a lot, and he was always very kind. Then I found out he is not kind to most other people, and after years he also turned against me. Intrigues, power, fighting, some also physical. I tried to establish a distance, but he will not allow this. What can I do besides Compassion/Lovingkindness? This is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Ref: 2003.09.x.04.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Rosemary

7

Being with difficult people often causes aversion and separation for me. I can see that I am mostly reacting to their needing when my own needing has no chance to be fulfilled. Understanding and Compassion/Lovingkindness is growing but I don't expect that next contacts with these people will be totally fulfilling because of my limited capacity to give more. What can I do more? I can see that it's a challenge to let go of the attachment of being a separate being. Can you give me some advice please? After a while the thought comes up, well it might be reflecting on moral shame and moral dread that could help with the arising of beneficial qualities.

Ref: 2003.09.x.07.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Germany September 2003

Steve

8

5

When using the Compassion/Lovingkindness wish in daily life, I realized the wish is coming sometimes without the warmth and heart feeling. What to do so that the wish is not just a phrase?

Ref: 2003.09.x.08.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Steve

3

8

Uncertainty often arises when my reflections turn to people of other major religions. Is it possible to have some confidence and/or joy in their abilities to offer some tools, methods and techniques to help them develop beneficial qualities and lessen their greed, hatred and ignorance?

Ref: 2009.07.x.03.08

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Rosemary

6

3

Does Buddhism teach anything about the moment after death?

Ref: 2009.07.x.06.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand July 2009

Rosemary

2

What are some methods with dealing with fear when doing death reflection, in particular in dealing with being buried alive?

Ref: 2009.07.x.02.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

3

5

Please can you explain the value of the Five and Eight Precepts?

Ref: 2000.01.x.03.05

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Steve

4

14

Do Metta (Lovingkindness/Compassion) meditations work like a one-hundredth monkey effect? When we actually visualize someone we know in a meditation, can they be somehow lifted up kammicly by wishing them ease of suffering, are we praying?

Ref: 2000.01.x.04.14

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

8

6

When I decide to meditate every day, one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening, how much time should I use the Reflection, awareness of the breathing or body, standing, walking meditation. For example, 70% Reflection, 30% awareness of the breathing?

Ref: 2000.01.x.08.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

6

2

Please can you remind me of the pattern of Sympathetic Joy meditation or give another one?

Ref: 2000.01.x.06.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

6

3

How do we make Compassion and Lovingkindness meditation for very difficult people who cause a lot of harm in this world. How to separate them from their actions?

Ref: 2000.01.x.06.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Steve

7

10

What to do when Compassion and Lovingkindness meditation creates too many emotions inside? Shall we let them manifest or try not to let them manifest?

Ref: 2000.01.x.07.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

8

9

Sometimes while observing physical sensations in the body in a formal posture, as well as lying down to sleep, I have experienced a jolt in the body as if I were shot by an electrical current. I've learnt to become equanimous, just noting and bringing awareness back through the body, but still this equanimous mind remains curious about this phenomena. Any insight?

Ref: 2000.01.x.08.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

5

1

What can I do if aversion arises against Compassion and Lovingkindness meditation?

Ref: 2000.01.x.05.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Steve

7

18

What do I do if I can't seem to feel compassion for certain people?

Ref: 2000.01.x.07.18

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Steve

7

17

Rosemary talked about a story of a person who lost a child the other day. Can you tell us the story?

Ref: 2000.01.x.07.17

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Steve

4

12

When you reflect on the Five Reflections during one whole period, do you go through each one of them, and once this is done, pick one to meditate on, or can you go on to body awareness if no more ideas arise to reflect on?

Ref: 2000.01.x.04.12

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

8

2

What kind of Reflection could help to lessen the self-pity mind?

Ref: 2000.01.x.08.02

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

5

9

Would you like to give a numbered list of the contents of the tool box?

Ref: 2000.01.x.05.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

5

13

What can you do if you see a certain warping of compassion towards somebody occurring? That is, a feeling of superiority/inferiority arises, the benevolent offerer of compassion, very unskillfully done, feeling perked up and above somehow the receiver. Obviously not a true compassionate heart, but if it should be tainted even to a slight degree with this feeling, what can be done?

Ref: 2000.01.x.05.13

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

3

9

I have been adding the phrase "may these _____ be free of..." at the end of my reflection of Compassion and then going into the Lovingkindness wish. The idea was to strengthen the short form of the Compassion and Lovingkindness. Do you see any troubles with this?

Ref: 2000.01.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

3

11

During the D/D (Defusing/Diffusing Compassion and Lovingkindness) meditation last night, I found it easier to imagine someone of a certain age by bringing to mind briefly someone I know that age. Is it OK to do this to help my visualization? Does this take away from making it universal?

Ref: 2000.01.x.03.11

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

8

7

How can I find out that my practice is in balance?

Ref: 2000.01.x.08.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

6

7

Rosemary talked about changing objects of meditation yesterday, say from the breathing to being aware of a sensation in the body, unpleasant sensation in the body leading to a reflection on impermanence and said that is ok. Was she only referring to this being ok while doing the breathing or is it ok for doing also with Reflection meditation?

Ref: 2000.01.x.06.07

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand 1999-2000

Rosemary

8

1

Please can you give some example(s) of how to make a short form of Compassion and Lovingkindness meditation?

Ref: 2000.01.x.08.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

Rosemary

6

Are there any more ways in Buddhism to open the heart or is there only Compassion and Lovingkindness. Please comment.

Ref: 2005.01.x.06.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

Rosemary

7

6

We have learned different types of Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation here. Please explain, in which life situation should we use which type of Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation?.

Ref: 2005.01.x.07.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

Steve

8

6

Is there a special Compassion/Lovingkindness wish if we know close friends or relatives are going to die or have just died. How can we help them and us?

Ref: 2005.01.x.08.06

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

Steve

4

10

I see Compassion/Lovingkindness as a unity. What is the special quality in each?

Ref: 2005.01.x.04.10

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2005

Rosemary

2

1

How do we investigate deeper into the causes of our own Dukkha?

Ref: 2005.01.x.02.01

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004

Steve

5

3

Last night, after the evening meditation I felt deep compassion and enormous sorrow. This morning when I recall all these various people, I feel powerless and angry. I hope that some deeper understanding of the Compassion and Equanimity Reflection would support my being able to stay with the compassion and let go of the helplessness and anger. Would you be willing to speak again about the compassion and equanimity reflection? And maybe about ten more times after that? I really want to understand this valuable reflection.

Ref: 2004.01.x.05.03

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004

Steve

3

9

How can you wish Compassion/Lovingkindness to someone who died already? Do you mean it for their next life?

Ref: 2004.01.x.03.09

Written answer

Special Retreat Thailand January 2004

Steve

3

4

Do you have any advice for how to deal with difficult people in daily life? Should we give them extra attention and extra time in our Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation?

Ref: 2004.01.x.03.04

Written answer