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Holding on to fire

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Source / Teacher
Day
Index
Question
Special Retreat Thailand January 2007
Steve
5
4
I'm feeling sad about the ongoing large amount of aversive responses I have to the world around me. Could you please talk in more depth about what is going on in the "positive attachment to aversion" example mentioned in the "holding on to fire" talk, in the 10-day retreat. What is the process leading to that identity "it's me; it's mine" - feeling the right to be irritated, annoyed or angry. Is it just a way out of Dukkha, found when things went astray in youth, then conditioned in and by examples? Why do we sometimes find pleasure in pain - a true perversion? It seems like an addiction, giving a rush of excitement; making life exciting. It can seem like the whole personality is based on aversive responses and very difficult to get the necessary Compassionate-Loving kind reactions, before aversion pops in. Are there more insight methods? Or is it just continuing to lay down the conditioning via Compassion/Lovingkindness meditation and actions to recondition the mind? The intellect knows, but behavior doesn't.
Ref: 2007.01.x.05.04
Written answer